Helluva Year

As I look back on the last year, I can say that part of my disdain for the holidays this year results from the fact that I had a hell of a year. Normally I am not so Negative, but this year bought me a lot of suprises, and ugliness. Things seemed like they started out allright with me and dave both working and Had me settling back into my career in home health, My art business was chugging along nicely, and Dave was working at least part time. Then in April the bottom Fell out. Dave Lost his Job, and was Diagnosed with Parkinsons in the span of a couple of weeks, My Best Friend and I had a horrible fight that has left us both in a rift ever since. I struggled to make sense of it all, and since I was only working part time, we struggled financially as well. The summer Bought more bad news with the news that my oldest and dearest friend Lisa was Back on Chemo, and that her Cancer had spread to her brain and liver. It seemed my world was crashing down around me as few people in the world know JUST how much my dear friends Mean to me.  I managed a trip in September to Be by My friend's Side. She had become Frail in a lot of pain, but still her indominatble spirit was All I could really see. We enjoyed a great girlfriend's day out, but the day took it's toll on her as she was very tired afterwards. I Was determined not to give up hope, and we spent that evening togeather making pink ribbon jewelry to hand out to all the people who had made her journey with breast cancer less painful. It is my hope that the folks who recieved this jewelry remember Lisa when they wear it, and all the incredible women who are battling this dreadful disease. In October as many who read my blog know, Lisa Passed Away. So for the last several Months I have found myself depressed and often tearing up trying to cope with this loss. She was like a sister to me, I diddnt' talk about her all the time, but our history was our bond. In September Dave and I opened a shop downtown, I wanted have a place to sell all the art and unique things we both like to create. Dave needed something to keep him busy in his year of transition, I wanted him to feel productive, and knew that the store would help him feel like he was making a contribution to the future security of our family. It all looked so good on paper, but we made the difficult decision before christmas to close up shop. See previous Blog Entry. There were a number of other smaller calamities that left me feeling just a little bit shell shocked this year.  
So yeah I have been a little blue this christmas, not feeling like putting on a fake smile to celebrate and honoring the fact that my feelings about this past year are not so rosy. I diddnt want to send out cards, I diddn't even want to put up the tree, and I made a half hearted attempt at making christmas cookies with the kids. I Sometimes I wonder why we are expected to white wash our feelings around the holidays? It is what it is, I honor the fact that I am not really happy right now. I know that this too will pass, and I hope that all my real friends know that I will soon be back to my old happy self. Here's hoping that 2010 is better, that the sun shines a little more, that work and family life move along a little more smoothly. Good Bye 2009 and All your Drama. This year I am hoping for a perfect 10.